Failure

I think I can say that this experiment is a complete and utter failure. Not because I don't think that Maslow's theory is wrong, but because I think it's difficult to artificially lower yourself to the bottom. I guess, for me at least, I know where I am in life and I can't manage to trick my subconscious into thinking I'm not there. So, in reality, I guess this project was kind of trying to trick myself into getting to levels 4 and 5 by trying to achieve perfection in lower levels, which is kind of contrary to the point of the entire pyramid. I guess you either have your basic needs fulfilled or you don't. I still think that getting them filled better is probably a good thing, but it's not really a need to have it perfect.

The truth is that I'm stuck on level 3. I have issues with my relationships and I don't know why or how to fix them. I've tried websites and books, but nothing works, leading me to believe that the problem lies with me. Heck, I've even tried therapy, with ridiculous therapists who say things equivalent to "I know you're coming to me because you say you have social phobias and anxieties, but let's work on your perfectionism". First of all, being a perfectionist has nothing to do with my social phobias because I don't expect people around me to be perfect and second, I don't get to know people well enough for them to be put off by my perfectionism. As if that were a thing. In reality, if I were a perfectionist, then I'd want to be the perfect friend and I'd be way more awesome than what I am, which is someone who sits at home crying over the lack of people to talk to.

And it's not romantic relationships, honestly. I've been chasing after romance since I was 18. It's fine. It's the simplest of transactions, I think. You meet someone, you date them. They either care about you or they don't. I guess I've never held romance in high regard. It's nice if you can get it, but it's not a real necessity for me. Maybe I say that because it's never been particularly hard for me to find people to be with. I may or may not be in love with them, but I've always been a proponent of the arranged marriage. As long as the person you're with has the same goals as you, agrees to support you, respects you, wants to be with you and doesn't disgust you, I'm good. (Sidenote: you'd be surprised how hard it is to find someone who meets all those criteria.) But friends... That's what I find most fascinating.